When I got married on a sunny day in May 1997, I never imagined that I’d end up single in my empty nest years. Walking down that aisle in my white dress, on the arm of my stepfather, a smile on my face as I looked at the man I was supposed to have children and grow old with, I saw us sitting on a porch, watching our grandchildren and maybe even our great-grandchildren playing in the yard. I’m choosing to share this story now because I want other women and yes, even men, to know things will be ok after divorce.
After my separation/divorce, 20 years ago, in 2004/2005, I absolutely KNEW I would never get married again. You know how it is. You become bitter and decide you’ll never want to go through that kind of heartbreak again. But reality sets in after a couple of years and you realize you want the companionship. I dated on and off throughout the years. Had one “serious” relationship, but that one ended in almost the same manner as my marriage. I went on a few more dates here and there after that relationship ended but ultimately decided for the time being, while my son was still in school, that I would keep my focus on him and I. My son has since graduated college and is living his best life with a great job and his boyfriend. This has now given me the status of being single in my empty nest years.
Single in My Empty Nest Years and Having a Disability
Since all this, I’ve been diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis and wondered if I’d ever find a relationship where I feel like I’m not only a contributing partner but a worthy one. Having a disability makes a person doubt themselves no matter how positive they try to remain. It’s not something we asked for. There are a lot of factors that having a disability causes. I.E. We may not be as active as our partner is and can’t do everything they enjoy. That is just one thing. So this has me currently remaining single in my empty nest years because I don’t want to hold someone back. Is that a sad thought process to have? Yes, it is. But, for now, I’m fine with it. I’m happy with my own company. I have friends and family that I share my thoughts and fears with.
I know if something were to happen and I needed help, I could reach out to any one of my friends or family and they will be there for me. Surgeries, illnesses, or anything else that comes my way. I share my location with a friend and my son in case anything were to happen. I have an In Case of Emergency (ICoE) on my phone with several numbers.
Solo Traveling Empty Nester
I’ve been an empty nester for a few years now. Single much longer. With my current job, I’m able to afford a little more than I could and have decided to start traveling again. So, as I’m single in my empty nest years, I am now starting to solo travel. In September, I went to Jim Thorpe PA for an overnight stay and had a great time! In December I drove to Harpers Ferry WV to look at land I was thinking of investing in, but walked around the town as well as going to the Historical National Park and the views were amazing. I went to Erie PA then went Solar Eclipse Chasing to Cleveland OH when it got cloudy in Erie. My sister joined me on that trip. See? Who needs a partner when you have family and friends and you’re happy (mostly) being by yourself.
One of my favorite places to visit was Burlington VT. This is where my son went to college. This cemented that I am more of a small town vibe kinda gal. On my half cross-country trip this summer, I’ll be visiting smaller mountain towns and getting in touch with my Gypsy soul.
Being single doesn’t mean being lonely. There is still a life to be led. Don’t let being single define you. Let it be the thing that leads you to your next era. Whether that is remaining single, or finding a partner at the right time.
Living Alone
When I first separated, this was the hardest part. I had never lived alone. I went from living with my parents to living with my then-boyfriend/husband. I don’t really count the three or four months I lived on campus because I lived with four other girls in our apartment-style dorm. I lived with my sons father from the age of 22 to 31. When my son was with his father, in the beginning, I would sit in my apartment doing nothing. I was just biding my time until my kiddo was back with me.
I then reconnected with some friends and started going out dancing and traveling. It felt weird, but I made myself go. Now that I’m in my Empty Nest years, I don’t go out as often as I’d like, but now that I’m a bit more financially stable, I’m getting back out there again. I can’t wait to see what the next few years is like for me as I’m living single in my empty nest years. Follow the motto, Lead your Single Era, Don’t Let it Lead You.
One last thing to include. You can decorate your home any way you like! I’m in the process of revamping my apartment. In my years of single AF mode, I’ve discovered my style. It took me some time, but I finally got it and I’m going all in. Stay tuned for the new cozy vibe. It will be later this year as I can’t afford to do it all at once, but I’ll get there!
If you’re in your empty nest years, whether single or married, how are you fairing without the kids? Are you doing more for yourself and your partner if you have one? Leave a comment below or on my Facebook page!
Vintage Roots and Hippie Wings 